Still

Still feel like a third, fourth or fifth wheel when I go out out with friends. More comfortable at work than anywhere else. Never feel like I fit in anymore. Still walking this life alone. Don’t like it but, I seems like I’m destined to walk alone in this life. Still have the urge one day to simply disappear. Still haunted by ghosts of my past in a lonesome present. 

Still miss my dog. Still miss my wife, though I really shouldn’t. Still wonder what’s wrong with me for missing her. Still want to just say “fuck it” and go play pool. Still wonder why the only time I get a break is when my body makes me take one. Still want to know what it’s like to not struggle, just for a little bit. 

Still wonder why when I’m almost asleep every failure in my life decides to come visit. Still wonder if I’ll ever be truly satisfied with the me that I’ve become. Still wonder how I keep getting back up after being knocked down so many times. 
Still wonder if my thoughts will ever truly be still..

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