I sit here in this darkened room wondering where my life went. A little over a year ago, I had a full-time job, a house and my dog was still alive. Out of the three, I really only miss the dog.
Let’s face it, a non-judgemental being who loves you unconditionally is a loss when they die, period. I spend my days sleeping. There’s nothing else to do. Most of my friends are working or raising children. Funny thing though, the one person I never thought would contact me again since she left with her mom, did. I’m a granddad, kind of. And her mom, my still not ex-wife? Well, she’s somewhere in California, doing whatever she’s doing.
All I can think about is what I’ve lost in a year. The money was cool, but it comes and goes. I’d rather have the house back, with my dog. I would settle for just my boy. I miss taking him for walks. At least, he was happy to see me walk through the door. These days, I walk out to go to work and don’t know what I’ll face when I’m there. And I’m beginning not to care.
I really want out of this state, this miserable existence that passes for my life. Not death, mind you, but something else besides this hand I got dealt. I’m stuck. And I don’t know how to get out of this mess. I feel like Garth, much too you to feel this damn old.