Days of future passed.

If only my life were like the X-Men. I could travel to the past and right some wrongs, thereby saving myself and others heartache. Seeing an ex who turned out to be a better friend than the still not ex wife (Damn you Md courts!) who claims to be a friend still. And hanging out with said ex girlfriend and her new  who, strangely I also know and realizing that she’s finally happy while thinking of all that I’ve lost with the simple act of forgiving a wife I shouldn’t have trusted.

How do I reconcile being happy with a job that’s difficult and may lead nowhere with absolute emptiness in an almost non-existent personal life? I literally live for going to work. I actually love my job. I have no real demands there and it can be dangerous, but rarely is. And yet, I could walk away tomorrow with no remorse. I find myself ready to walk away a lot. My one bit of a bright spot got extinguished when first a mentor died, then I found out that my dog was put down right after. And still somehow, someone sees fit to keep me here. Though my path is unseen and solitary, even amongst everyone and everything around me, I stand alone. I should be worried, maybe even sad about my life at the moment, but I don’t really have the energy to care anymore. I have just accepted that life sucks and until it doesn’t, I’ll just keep moving along. That’s the funny thing about life, it won’t give me any other choice.